It’s hard to be upset with someone when they do something wrong, if you know that their heart was in the right place when they did it.
It’s tough to just “Go Off” on them, when they had good intentions…
Meaning well and having good intentions are just not the same as actually Doing the right thing.
I’d like to highlight a situation that had a key role in the process of being completely controlled. Funny thing about this situation is that; he didn’t even mean to do it…
He was hoping to pay a little into a company, in order to receive a lot. I knew it was a ponzi scheme when he first introduced it but I didn’t fight hard enough against it. He wanted to be able to put some money back and feel like he was contributing somehow to our household. His intentions were good.
The end result:
The ponzi scheme caused issues with our 2 bank accounts. The end result was having to charge off one account and begin making payments on it. That particular account belonged only to myself. The second account had to be closed down because it was considered “compromised” and open another. However, I wouldnt be allowed to be a co-owner of that account due to the charge off we had to do days prior.
So if you’re lost, I’ll summarize: I no longer had a bank account with my name on it. I had to start receiving my paychecks in the mail and cashing them at check cashing places. Eventually, we’d get tired of the check cashing place taking that small percentage from us and he convinced me to have my direct deposit sent to his account instead.
If you’re lost again, I’ll summarize: My money, at this point, is going to an account that I don’t have access to.
You’d think he’d give me the debit card to the account or have a duplicate sent out so that I could have one too, but neither happened.
We’d sit down and figure out the bills together every other week, but I was never able to keep cash on me. He thought that it wasn’t a good idea for a woman to carry cash; therefore, he’d come with me everywhere just to swipe his card. Everywhere, meaning the grocery store because he still had not found a job and we couldn’t afford much else. Hence his high hopes for the ponzi scheme.
(Let’s do some back tracking shall we. Also, if you haven’t read my previous posts, you may want to go back and do that at this time.)
At this time, I do not have a car, so I now rely on him and his car. I no longer have a bank account in my name, so I now rely on him and his bank account.
All the while, in this situation, he had good intentions…
He didn’t mean to compromise our account, causing us to have to close it and open a new one. He didn’t mean for his account to be the only account available. It just happened this way.
I’m certain I sound extremely naive to say that with these terrible things, that seemingly worked out in his favor, were all made by accident. However, he was not smart enough to know that those two dominoes could have caused an effect that would’ve ended this way.
Not saying that he was dumb in any way. I’m saying that he never considered that he would’ve compromised the account in the first place. His intentions were in the right place but his actions weren’t quite in line.
I lost control…
Control in where and when I could go somewhere because I didn’t have a car. Control over the money I brought in because I couldn’t access my money without his permission.
As mad as I was, it didn’t feel right to show it because through all this, he meant well. I was also mad at myself for not putting up a bigger fight against what I knew was a scheme and would end in our account getting compromised.
After this, I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t rollover on decisions any longer. If I know for a fact that it’s a bad choice, then I’m going to voice my opinion until he’s convinced of my choice as well.
“No more good intentions with bad actions!”
Or so I thought…
Out of Control
P.s. Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment with questions and comments. In the coming posts we’ll see my reaction to the above situation and how my vow to be more vocal works out. Stay tuned for the next post!