If you are a new reader, I’m so happy to have you but you are chapters ahead in this story! If you’re interested in starting from the beginning, click here and start from the bottom!!
So I know you’re wondering…
“What on earth does a dog have to do with the story, Keanna?”
Glad you asked… Meet Lucy.
This is an actual picture of her days after we acquired her. She’s a chi-poo or a wa-poo, whichever you prefer, just means a Chihuahua/Poodle mix. Sounds lovely, right? Not exactly the designer dog everyone wants, but she was mine, I mean ours.
He didn’t want her. He wanted a big dog. Something ‘sturdy’, I believe was his wording.
“I can step on her she’s so small, Keanna! Why can’t we wait for a bigger dog?” he pleaded. And the truth is, I felt the same way. I wanted a large dog as well, but I needed her.
Ethan, my manager at work, had a dog that was expecting puppies. He wanted them to go to loving homes that would take good care of them and I felt like I fit the bill.
However, she wasn’t easy for me to have but somehow through a ton of begging, I got her!
Now full disclosure, we could not afford a dog.
We were barely, and I mean barely, paying our rent and feeding ourselves every month. The last thing we needed was another mouth to feed.
Let me help you gather an image… We’ve all seen a homeless person with a dog and have wondered in our disapproval, “If you don’t have a home AND food, why do you have a dog?!?!”
That was us. (Except we had a home… somehow.)
She was my first real ‘win’ in a long time and I couldn’t have been happier. (Or dumber)
I still remember her first night with us, the poor thing cried ALL NIGHT! He was so angry that night because sleeping was just impossible but surprisingly he had a ton of pity for her.
Seeing him with her, that night, reminded me of why I married him. He was so gentle with her and very forgiving. It was almost as if my husband was still in there somewhere! (HA! Not even close, but we’ll get there eventually.)
We did our best to teach her simple commands and work on potty training but it wasn’t really going well.
Despite cleaning pee and poo all day, Lucy and I had the sweetest bond.
She loved sleeping in my lap or just being held and I was totally here for it.
I was tired of coming home to long loud conversations and faking like everything is fine when we were far from.
Now, I could come home to her and her excitement to see me as if she’s been missing me since the time I left. All seemed pretty good for a few weeks, but Lucy was only beautiful paint color covering a wall plagued with mold.
His temper would eventually show its head. And as he stomped around the house, not looking out for Lucy, he stepped right on her.
She wasn’t hurt. She was fine but from then on she was so nervous around him, especially when he was angry.
I can remember a day where my husband was pretty aggravated and punching the countertop in the bathroom. When I walked to the doorway to try to settle the conversation, I spotted Lucy hiding against the wall under the toilet.
She was trembling and looked terrified but her eyes lit up when they found mine. She tried to sneak over to me but I could see that my efforts to calm him weren’t working. He glared at me through the mirror while he drove his point home and with my arms low, I held up my left hand to signal her to stay under the toilet. And she stayed.
She never stays!!!
In all of my diligently Youtubed dog training skills work with her, she has NEVER stayed. And today, she stayed??? Out of fear. I was horrified.
I felt just as bad for her as I do when I see the pitiful looking dog next to the panhandler jingling change in a used cup!
I had her in a terrible environment and even worse, I was trying to use her to help fix our relationship!
She was only a puppy.
Though she felt like the love our home was missing, a dog should never replace the love and care in a marriage.
I knew at that moment, I had to get her out of there.
I had to get ‘us’ out of there.
Almost Time To Go